Vacation Over, Routines Back!

We survived our first week at camp. I had a hard time leaving Laura Beth in the one year old room the first day. I cried on the way home realizing that my baby is growing up and I must let go some. When I took her upstairs to her room (remember I was teaching right at the bottom of the stairs and it was only from 9-12) I walked her in with her bag all perfectly packed with everything she would need and maybe a little extra :) Sippy cups labeled, fresh fruit for snack.. o.k. if you know me you get the drift. I walked her in and was informed that they didn't have snack because lunch would be served (and I mean served at a tiny table with miniature chairs) at 11:00. I let the teacher know that if she got upset her pacifier ("patty" as she calls it) was in her bag. The teacher smiled at me with this "aww, first time overprotective mommy" smile and gently stated, "oh, we don't do pacifiers in here but if she gets really upset I will give it to her." O.K. I stayed calm and headed to teach my students. I really didn't think much about it and was able to teach 3 hours with little worry as to what Laura Beth was doing. The one year olds lie down after lunch for naps on their mats. I told the teacher there was no way Laura Beth would lay down on a mat and to please keep her up because we would be leaving at 12 anyhow. I scurried upstairs to get her around 12:15 and when I went in the room she was asleep on a mat. Most will say o.k. so what?? A MAT!! A BLUE MAT WITHOUT HER PACIFIER AND HOLDING A RANDOM BLANKET!! O.K. Moms I know your as shocked as I was right! I was floored but tried to keep my cool. I asked the teacher how that happened and she said well once the other children went to sleep Laura Beth started to cry so she just held her and walked around with her and she finally just fell asleep. When I got to the car she woke up and was very upset I was putting her in her carseat. I think she was disoriented and thought I was leaving her again. Anyhow we cried together for a few minutes. I just felt my heart sink for mothers who have to drop their 2 month olds off at daycare, realizing that in the Fall Laura Beth and I would be part of that busy lifestyle. It's such an inner battle. I admire and have so much respect for all Moms. I admire the Mom who has to make that difficult decision as to what is best for her family. I admire the stay at home mom who can't even sneak in a shower or use the bathroom alone. She's running constantly all day to still have her house a wreck at 5:00 and a frozen lasagna in the oven because that's all she has time to manage for dinner. I admire the mom who must wake their sleeping baby to take her to the sitter, rush to work, back to get her child only to rush home cook dinner, sneak in some quality time, feed a child, bathe a child, read, rock and make sure everyone is snug in bed. The past year and a half have been so rewarding and I have a lot of questions and anxiety about returning to work. Am I making the right decision for my family? Am I hearing God correctly and serving Him. The reality is Laura Beth will not have to attend daycare (not that I think it's a bad place... Monday was actually a good experience for her) and we are so incredibly blessed to have a wonderful Nanny that will be keeping her. She'll continue with MMO as she has this past year and then Lanae will take her home for lunch, her nap, etc. until I am off at 3. But no matter your particular situation it's just a reminder how difficult this new job of Motherhood is. So all I can do is wish all Mothers peace. Peace knowing that the decision they have chosen is right for their family. I sure hope my decision will be a rewarding one. Only time will tell!!

Oh, and Laura Beth will only be going to the one year old room one day a week and I still cried. Terrible isn't it!! I never thought I would be so protective!